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Unity12 Seeks Sponsor For Headquarters Near White House

In Graft, Organizing on March 26, 2010 at 5:08 pm

PRESS RELEASE
UNITY12
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: March 26, 2012

Unity12 Seeks Opens Doors for Washington, DC Office; Big Money Donors Now Can Reserve Their Front-Row Seat at the Inauguration of 2013

Washington, D.C. – March 26, 2012 – Unity12 announced that beginning today, it will consider bids for the space of its Washington, DC headquarters. American corporations or, as spokesman Hugh Gimmeh explained, “people who are nouveau riche but with good taste,” are invited to offer their already existing Washington, DC office space for the new Unity12 headquarters.

“We’re talking NW here, people, something with a view of Lafayette Park,” Gimmeh continued. “Maybe a townhouse on New Jersey Ave SE with the lobbyists, if nothing better comes along.” The group is looking for something comparable to the Pennsylvania Ave. offices of Unity08, with a comparable price tag: $0.

“Unity12 will pay you back soon enough in the currency that counts,” declared Gimmeh, “starting with a primo seat for Inauguration Day 2013.”

Unity12 is a recently established political corporation attracting Americans who have beaucoup money to spend and a need for the best and brightest political consultants imaginable. It is also deeply humble. Unity12 will fix everything. Learn more at unity12.wordpress.com.

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Outstanding Corporate Naming Opportunity for Unity12

In Graft on January 24, 2010 at 6:38 pm

Now that the Supreme Court has ruled that corporations may spend unlimited amounts in support of political candidates, we here at Unity12 are happy to announce a one-time only premium naming opportunity. Yes, that’s right! As we gear up in our effort to elect our very own president and vice president of the United States in 2012, we’ve been happy to offer a number of tiered naming opportunities. For just $10,000 per person or $20,000 per PAC, we would be happy to engrave your name on a brick for the front steps in our desired future condo headquarters on New Jersey Avenue SE. Every lobbyist who visits will be sure to know that you were one of our most valued stepping stones! For $25,000 per person or $50,000 per PAC, we’ll scratch your name and phone number onto the top of our oak desk so we’ll always remember to call during those special platform-writing moments.

If being one of the crowd isn’t enough for you, consider our one-of-a-kind naming opportunity. We are committed to keeping Unity12 as part of our corporate grassroots presidential name, but we’re more than happy to add other words in to our name… for the highest bidder. Name your ideal donation amount (and don’t bother starting low). If you offer the highest sum to us, your corporate name and logo can be incorporated into our existing Unity12 name!

Just think of the possibilities:

Hypothetical Exxon Unity '12 Logo

Possible Bank of Unity12 of America Logo if Bank of America Decides to Give the Biggest Dollar Amount to Unity12

Executives, whip out those checkbooks!

Join the Unity12 Advisory Committee

In Graft, Power on January 12, 2010 at 1:56 pm

Do you care about America? Are you tired of all the political bickering that happens when people disagree with you? Are you looking to fill in a line on the corporate “charity” slate for this year? Do you have a large disposable income?

If you’ve answered “Yes!” to all four questions, then consider joining the Unity12 Advisory Committee! As a member of the Unity12 Advisory Committee, you’ll be able to help write the questions that our very own 2012 presidential ticket will have to answer — and nix the questions you’d rather they not answer. You’ll have special access to our one-way “chats” with the American public, raising your visibility. We guarantee you at least a second on Larry King. And we have the best meeting buffet ever — stuffed mushrooms, cigars, a martini bar, and those nice little crispy sausages.

Ready to join the Unity12 Advisory Committee? Send word to our people through your people. We are accepting donations bids in denominations of $10,000.

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